by Monica Palmer
Once upon a time there was a delightful little princess, who was fawned over and doted upon by her parents and four older siblings. She received daily confirmation that her whims and wishes were at the tippy top of everyone’s priority list. As she grew, the princess became less delightful and more demanding, and one day she came to the shocking realization that her friends and family had all found other things they enjoyed more than trying to please her.
Not a very good start to a fairy tale or a love story, but I promise it has a happy ending…or at least a happy continuation.
You see, not so long ago, I was that spoiled, self-centered princess. I approached my life and my world with an “It’s all about me” attitude. I only loved people who loved me back, and if I felt they didn’t deserve or appreciate me, I walked away, taking my love with me. A good deal of that time of my life was spent feeling angry and sad when I was reminded that I didn’t matter nearly as much to others as I did to myself.
I clearly remember the exact moment my world-view began to change. It was a cold December afternoon, and Ann-Marie, my labor and delivery nurse, laid my baby boy on my chest. He was terrified and crying, and so was I. I held him close; he stopped crying; and he looked up at me. In that instant, I knew that my life was no longer all about me.
Parenthood forced me to look at love differently than I ever had before. I quickly learned that love was not a commodity that could be traded or measured to insure equality. Furthermore, I found that the more love I gave to my son, the more loving I became. I began to care more about my community and the world, because I wanted to make it a better place for him to enjoy. The more love I put out, the happier I became.
I wasted a lot of time looking for love and happiness, and now I know the only way to find them is to give them…without expecting anything in return.
A study came out last summer in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences which indicated that people who focused their attentions outward on others rather than on themselves were happier. In addition, the study indicated this kind of happiness actually improved their mental and physical well-being.
Today is Valentine’s Day, which means a lot of people are taking time to celebrate the love in their lives. There are also a lot of people who are feeling the lack of love in their lives a little more profoundly. If you fall into the second category, I humbly suggest that you spend some time focusing on others. Perhaps you could sign up for a volunteer shift at your local food bank. Growing your capacity for loving and serving others will certainly invite happiness and health into your life. You might also meet a like-minded volunteer who could very well end up being your future Valentine.
One of my favorite movies of all time is Hello Dolly starring Barbara Streisand. I love that quote from the movie, “Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around, encouraging young things to grow.” I believe the same is true about love. I know it’s not very romantic to compare love to manure, but I think you get my point.
You hold the love that someone else is looking for, so don’t keep it to yourself. Spread some love, and grown some happiness for yourself and those around you.